MY LOVELY AFTERNOON

(From personal experience, (c) April 29, 2010, all rights reserved.)

I was cutting grass one beautiful, cool April afternoon down in a field behind my garage, mowing the path that runs through that field to my barn. There is a "wet spot" there that is usually soft and muddy, and I tried to "power" through it but got stuck about 6:00 PM. My mower, a huge, heavy zero-turn-radius Diesel mower with a 72" cutting deck, has turf tires and gets stuck very easily. I was royally pissed off.

Sulking and feeling sorry for myself, I trudged all the way up to the house and lay down in my recliner to drink a beer and nurture a righteous pity party, then I suddenly realized I could not just leave the mower where it was, BECAUSE the left rear tire was leaking and consistently going flat, and I was going to have one hell of a mess if I left it there overnight, thereby allowing the tire to go flat in the mudhole, as it most probably would do. I HAD to get it unstuck before dark and bring it up to my workshop where my air compressor reposes. That way, I could pump up the tire AGAIN the next day, as I must about every 2 days or so. I would not be able to get it repaired until the following Monday, having to jack up the mower, chock the wheels and remove the rear wheel over the weekend, then take it to the tire shop about 40 miles away, PROVIDED I got the yard mowed first, which normally takes about 3-1/2 hours.

NOTHING IS SIMPLE.

That very morning I had dropped off my truck (with towing chain in the toolbox) at a dealership to be worked on, so I did not have the towing chain. So, cursing and muttering at the unfairness of it all, I reluctantly went back outside, climbed up on my tractor and drove it down into the field with a web-nylon strap and a spare hitch ball stuck in the drag bar on the tractor. I did not even have a big nut to hold the hitch ball on the drag bar. There was nowhere else on the tractor on which to hook the web-strap!

After backing the tractor up to the mower, I got down, looped the strap around the front axle and the other end looped onto the hitch ball on the drag bar, then I heaved my body back up onto the tractor and dragged the mower sort of sideways out of the mudhole. I backed up the tractor slightly to relieve the tension on the strap, got down off the tractor again, locked the brake on the mower and removed the nylon strap from the hitch-ball, which strap was now CONVENIENTLY pinched in a vertical caster shaft on the front axle! (The front mower wheels are like big casters.) Eventually freeing the strap, I then climbed back onto the tractor, moved it about 50 ft. away, climbed down, got on the mower, started it and finished mowing the grass in the immediate vicinity. (I kept the tractor handy in case I got the mower stuck again.) I then got off the FUCKING mower, climbed back onto the tractor and drove it up into the yard and parked it, where it still sits. Then I walked back down to the mower, finished cutting the area, and then drove it up to the shop and parked it by the compressor. WHEW!

It was getting cold and dark by then (I had found ice in the truck bed that morning), so I got all that drudgery done in the nick of time. I really had not wanted to go back out there and do all that after going into the house the first time, but I knew it would be a royal mess the next day if I did not. I had argued with myself internally for about 30 minutes! The self-pity was almost crippling! I was truly surprised at myself for actually going back out there and getting it done, considering how much I had NOT wanted to do it!

I had been hoping it would fix itself, but unfortunately, those things rarely happen. I still had most of the yard left to mow, including taking a hard run at the mint patch which is always soft and muddy. I have gotten stuck therein several times. Unfortunately, when one hits a mudhole, the momentum of that mower dies like a miner in a Massey coal mine. It is like smacking a brick wall!

If one must purchase a riding lawn mower, do NOT trust turf tires. They are worthless. They were obviously designed by someone who has NEVER had to cut his own grass. Get the great big knobby tractor-style tires instead.