I’ve been cooking since I was a kid, so there are some basic rules about food I need to get off my chest:
1—So far as I know, there is only ONE hot sauce to use: Tabasco, made in south Louisiana. And most restaurants are run by a bunch of cheap-ass motherfuckers, because all they will keep on hand is that goddamned pig-slop “Texas Pete,” which is not even MADE in Texas! It is fucking made in NORTH CAROLINA!
Now, I feel like a treasonous heel because I am FROM North Carolina, from whence many good foods (like pork barbecue) come, but “Texas Pete” sucks! It is just “heat” with no distinctive flavor! Tabasco has both FLAVOR and a wonderful bouquet aroma, as well as plenty of “heat,”
The best you can do is carry your own Tabasco with you at all times. If you manage to go to a restaurant that offers Tabasco, then make a mental note to go back there again.
2—Ground pepper. I carry my own small pepper grinder with me at all times also. A friend (now deceased) turned me onto that practice. I love the flavor of fresh-ground black pepper, and few restaurants have pepper grinders. But, it’s worth it. Most pre-ground black pepper is stale.
3—Chocolate. The darker, the better. At least 60% cacao. Sugar is a must, and salty foods are great accompaniments to dark chocolate.
4—Barbecue. Invest in a instant-read probe thermometer and USE IT! Perfectly good dial meat thermometers will sell for less than $10 in most any hardware store. I have a remote-sensing cordless thermometer that transmits the temperature as it rises to a receiver I keep with me in the house, and it allows me to do other things while the meat is cooking.
I was a certified barbecue judge in two different competitive circuits in the 1990’s and early 2000’s, plus I was reared in North Carolina, so I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about barbecue. I have been cooking it for a long time. In fact, I was a barbecue “Nazi,” being from North Carolina and refusing to accept that good barbecue could be made with anything besides pork. Now, one of the things I learned as a judge made me more “ecumenical” about barbecue: that good barbecue comes in many different styles and flavors and meats, kinda like fingerprints or snowflakes. They are all different, but can be good. I have come to accept that beef, chicken, most anything, can make for good barbecue, and I am now grateful for that.
Beware of undercooked barbecue. Good barbecue MUST be cooked “low and slow”—lower heat for much longer periods of time (hours), so that it cooks thoroughly yet does not burn. The fat needs TIME to be properly rendered out of the meat. Poultry MUST be cooked to an internal temperature of 175 deg. F. or higher. Undercooked poultry is DANGEROUS! It harbors salmonella bacteria which need thorough cooking to be killed. I always take the temperature of poultry in the “groin” area between the thigh and the carcass, because it seems to be the last to cook. Also, do not accept poultry if the juices are not clear (NOT bloody) and the meat is not thoroughly done. Poultry should NEVER be “chewy”!
Well-cooked barbecue (like pork) usually produces what’s called a red or pink “smoke ring” along the edge of the outside of the meat. That is NOT underdone, so do not reject it as such. Undercooked meats may be pink down in the INSIDE. However, pork is done when the internal temperature is at least 135 deg. F. Most people WAY overcook pork! “Pink” might be OK. A rack of spareribs will be done within an hour, even if smoked with only indirect heat.
When in a restaurant, I also prefer to get my barbecue with sauce on the side—many cooks who hurry the cooking process or use questionable meats will smother their renderings in sauce to mask unpleasant side effects.
5—When grilling steaks, consider using the following “finger” mnemonic:
Next, we move from the knuckles to the pad at the base of your thumb, which can be used, surprisingly, to tell you how a steak feels at various cooking levels.
See: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/the_finger_test_to_check_the_doneness_of_meat/
6—Whole wheat. I have been working on several recipes using whole-wheat flour. What I have learned is that whole wheat has a LOT of gluten, so it resists rising, esp. non-yeast rising like with baking powder. I have added vinegar, baking SODA, a number of things to provoke more rising, but it’s just too “gummy” to cooperate. Trial-&-error is the best advice that I can give.
7—Invest in a salad “spinner.” Beware eating unwashed leafy greens, REGARDLESS of what the package says. “Triple-washed” is BULLSHIT!
8—Pots and pans. I have found that almost EVERY metal pan (especially aluminum) “releases” foods easier (with less damage) IF it is heated up BEFORE adding shortening. I prefer to heat the pan up to where water droplets will skitter off the metal THEN spray cooking spray generously onto the HOT metal. It seems to seal the pores and allow cooked foods to slide right off. I have not discerned a difference with seasoned cast iron, nor should one use cooking spray on the new “copper” pans that allegedly need no shortening. It will screw them up. Heavy pans (like cast iron) cook more evenly and predictably than thinner pans.
9—“Quick & dirty” old-fashioneds can be made with orange marmalade dissolved in the whiskey with bitters, then ice, added.
10—I think gin-tonics are better with “Schweppes” tonic, NOT “Canada Dry.” Ugh. And a fat wedge of lime, of course!
11—I like Bloody Mary’s with V-8 and gin instead of tomato juice and vodka. “Zing Zang” Bloody Mary mix is the best commercial mix I have ever tasted. Consider adding horseradish and/or dill pickle juice!
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