… Jesus is risen!
I’ve been sitting here at my computer all morning, since about 7:30, waiting for the Easter Bunny to bring me my candy! I saw him out in the yard, trying to “hump” one of the chickens! I yelled at him, demanding to know what in the Hell he thought he was doing! He hollered back that he was running low on Easter Eggs and needed more, very quickly!
And none of that detestable vinegar smell!
It’s so depressing. I have finished off a pot of coffee, some sausage, a piece of bread, etc. and STILL no candy! No one to dress up for, no one to wish me a “Happy Easter,” no phone calls, no visits, no cards nor letters. No “pitter-patter of little feet” (well, that’s my own fault!) Easter is just like any other day, now.
And, WHY did they call it “GOOD” Friday? It surely was not “good” for Jesus! I asked that question in Presbyterian Sunday School when I was very young, and I was told that it was “good” because Jesus died a horrible, torturous death for the sins of ALL of us! So, what I needed to do, obviously, was consider the matter from a very SELFISH point of view! Sure, it may have been a bit uncomfortable for Jesus, but it was REALLY COOL for the rest of us! Forever!
Game/set/match.
PLUS, back then we got out of PUBLIC school for four days, from “Good” Friday through “Easter Monday”! Easter Monday? That surely was not in the Bible! Oh, well, no big deal! A day off from school was “good,” no matter the reason or the season! “Spring Break” did not start until college. Imagine! Jesus was replaced by a whole week for us to rush down to Florida, get just as drunk as possible, think (only) about nothing but S-E-X for a week, then rush back home in time to sober up for exams! We established the outermost limits of the human body just as soon as Jesus was purged from the school calendars, thanks to that godless harridan, Madelyn Murray O’Hair! She WOULD have been proud, though!
And, crucifixion is REALLY bad! I have done some research on it, and it was not “fun”! It was widely used in a lot of cultures in pre-medieval times. It was INTENTIONALLY tortuous, done publicly to suppress the likelihood of “uppity” behavior, to keep things “orderly” for the sovereign in charge. Our current fondness for the phrase “law and order” does not invoke the “law” of protected rights, but instead stresses the “order” imposed by bad-ass “law”-men with badges and guns and billy clubs! It was thus back then, when people got nailed up and were allowed to die a slow and very painful death by crucifixion!
Consider the actual dying process: one is nailed up on a wooden “trellis” with big spikes, likely driven through the wrists and ankles lest they tear loose, trying to hold the weight of the entire body. There is no way the victim can support his/her weight except on said spikes. There is no platform on which to stand. The entire body weight is hanging by the four spikes, sagging forward toward the ground, since the body’s skeletal structure cannot support the weight. This means that all of the internal viscera inside the body cavity are hanging down as well, pulling on the diaphragm and lungs, which are slowly filling with fluid and will allow the victim to ultimately “drown” to death from his own fluid inside the lungs.
MEANWHILE, being publicly scourged, the victim may be injured by bystanders or passers-by with sharp objects or even thrown missiles, and at least spat upon, or targeted with feces or other available fluids, including his or her own, lying on the ground. The victim will also surely be subjected to further tortures inflicted by attending officials, soldiers, police, etc. It takes a L-O-N-G time to die in such fashion, and the pain and shame and duration are all intentional!
For OUR alleged sins!
JUST SO YOU KNOW: the “seven deadly sins” are:
(a) pride (b) greed (c) wrath (d) envy (e) lust (f) gluttony (g) sloth. They are also called the “cardinal” sins. Guilty as charged! I don’t know who made up this list, but I think it’s a shame somebody was duped into dying for other people’s lust, gluttony, pride, etc. I can barely get out of the bed each morning without violating three or four of these! Before I can even brush my teeth! I mean, what if I stub my toe? Does somebody have to die because I got so “wrathful” about THAT? As for “sloth,” how many of us have lingered in the bed, not wanting to get up, how many times a WEEK? That’s a lot of guilt and a lot of death! Poor, poor Jesus!
Lust was originally paired with fornication, back in the 4th Century, CE when this nonsense was first dreamed up. Personally, I know I have done a LOT more lusting than fornicating! Usually, the fornicating must be preceded by the lusting! How many of us get to roam around fornicating our heads off, then LATER get to just think (or lust) about it? The Catholic Church gets to take credit for translating a lot of these “sins” into English, so we mere Anglo-Saxons might understand the gravity of our loutish behaviors. I note from the info in Wikipedia that the notion of “just war” is tied up with the alternative, suggested “seven virtues.” In other words, as the old bumpersticker used to declare: “Kill a Commie For Christ!” I guess it’s not “murder” if the dead guy was wrong in his fundamental economic and political philosophy!
Well, all this has made me very thirsty, so I need to go look in the ‘fridge and see if there might be a beer there. I haven’t had any lately, so perhaps Jesus won’t have to die again just because I haven’t whistled down a whole six-pack recently!
(4/17/22)
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